I hardly ever see them coming, but their arrival is inevitable.
That's because when a deep loss is experienced, grief arrives in it's own time. It doesn't follow a particular schedule, and it's definitely not linear.
Sometimes the waves crash hard and strong, leaving me in a state of incapacitation and heartbreak, while others gently flow through me leaving me in a state of gratitude and joy for the memories and how they serve me.
I live with grief on a day-to-day basis, it's just that how the grief manifests itself on any given occasion is always subject to change.
I started calling these days of grief, the ones where that leave me in a profound state of one feeling or another outside of the norm of my day-to-day life, "Grief Days" as a way to easily communicate to my loved ones what's coming up for me so they know what state I'm in within our interactions.
Either way, I rarely can expect when Grief Days will arrive.
Sure, I know that the "dates" are typically going to be challenging -- you know, his birthday, his death anniversary, most holiday's, etc.
Outside of that, the rest of the Grief Days will come whenever the hell they feel like it.
Maybe they'll come after I share the story of how my brother died with a new friend, while others will arise simply from catching a look at a passing photo or running into his friends.
What this means for my life now, is that it's important that I have context for my Grief Days and how to navigate around them, ensuring that I'm able to give myself the time and space I might need to feel into what's coming up for me, re-schedule things, change plans, ask for support, and the like.
Having context for how I verbalize and orient around my grief when it surfaces helps me to feel safer in how I dive into it, knowing that I have room to explore what's there for me because I'm going to come out on the other side alive.
My wish for all of you out there who might also be deeply grieving are able to accommodate your Grief Days when they arise, too.