I'm Never Not Chasing Freedom

I leave behind my friends and family

do I feel more free yet?

I drive across the country and live out of my car

do I feel more free yet?

I hole myself up in a cabin alone in the woods on my birthday

do I feel more free yet?

I cut all of my hair off

do I feel more free yet?

I try abstaining from sex for just once in my lifetime

do I feel more free yet?

there are some of us who are innately freedom chasers

we seek it

crave it

we’re mesmerized by it

the idea of it enchants us

we romanticize it

and the feeling of it intoxicates us

freedom informs how we do

just about everything in our lives

as we exist in such an oppressive society

I’ve been a freedom chaser for as long as I can remember

when I was younger, I chased it through

drugs and alcohol

liquor, beer, cocaine, xanax

saturating my system with as many substances as possible

thinking the further away I got from myself

the more free I would feel

through empty sex and wandering dicks

atop soiled bed sheets and in backyards

allowing myself to be reduced down to nothing more than something to be penetrated

through how likable I was and how much of a “cool girl” I could be

which involved a lot of being quiet and complicit

doing all the things I thought that people wanted me to do

but now

now my freedom chasing happens through

the open road

to places unknown

planes with faraway destinations

where I’m sure to be tossed out of my comfort zone

blank paper and a pen

readily awaiting to be enchanted by the muse

belly laughter with friends

the ones where we really fucking get each other and the jokes can roll on for hours at a time

intoxicating oils

that utterly seduce me through scent, carrying me to distant memories of lifetimes before this one

expansive views

that cast a blanket of possibility over my entire understanding of my existence

thick woods

that force me into enough silence to really hear myself

soul stirring sex

that sends shocks of ecstatic electricity into my every single cell, waking up my entire body

watching my dog deep in dreamtime

this creature that’s a pure existence of unconditional love

and more than anything

the deep seated understanding

that I’m innately free

regardless of everything else.

Posted on November 4, 2017 and filed under Empowerment, Inspiration, Self-Love, Travel.