Name: Browning Kenney
Occupation: Insurance Sales Representative
Tell us about yourself!: Ah, the most challenging question for me, what a way to start.... I've never belonged anywhere, not even in my own skin. For most of my life I have constantly wondered from group to group, thought process to thought process-never fully grasping my own inner voice. All of this back and forth lead to such self deprivation, that I began to suffer from terrible depression. This remained hidden for so long because of guilt. Depression meant I was weak. Depression meant that I was sick.
Over time, I have found that the depression was a symptom of not knowing my inner voice. I reached for cover ups by using prescription medicines, only to find that my thoughts were no longer my own. The medicine pulled me into an abyss that caused me to almost end my own life. But I came out fighting. I have made the steps to build myself and to hear and accept myself. I've found myself opening to the things that always spoke to me, yet were taboo or 'weird'. Which, if the shoe fits, I always say you should wear it around the room!!!! I've always stood out. Now I'm embracing that!!!!
I'm very emotional and am BLESSED to be swarmed whole heartedly by my feelings. Not fighting that is something that has brought me peace. My quiet nature is something that I utilize to embrace those around me. Taking in a situation or an interaction, is like reading a book for me. Each page is interpreted differently, yet the beauty is always there. These are the things that show my deep, inuitive nature. A part of me that for so long was hidden.
I long to be a beacon for those who know me and maybe in time, even for those who do not.
What is your definition of what a “wild woman” is?: In my vision, I see a multitude of answers for the definition of a "wild woman". She is part of all things and all things are part of her. This woman will feel the turn of the earth within her soul.
For each of us there is a difference in how she will surface. There is no way to harness and capture my own in appropriate words, let alone what she is to each woman, so I will give my definition to the best of my ability.
When I step outside in the morning, in answering the urge I feel to simply walk out into the grass in my bare feet, I feel wild. When listening to the wind as it sings through the trees, I close my eyes and visualize myself in the throws of that force of nature and can feel the blood in my veins rush with purity. Each month, as my body purifies itself, I reach into the depths of my soul to feel the release of the old and to nourish my body for the coming of new things. Flowing freely from one portion of life into the next.
These seem small to some I'm sure. Yet, these small things have opened my eyes. And in my soul I know that a "wild woman" is never really fully revealed. The answer to who she is changes like the wind. The journey to find her never ends, as her journey never ends. She is all encompassing and all knowing.
How would you describe your life was like before starting your journey of being a wild woman?: Before I even knew of the attachment to the inner wild woman was missing in my life, oh was my world bleak.... Mornings started with hate and contempt for where I was. Days consisted of holding out for night time. Night time consisted of drinking to ease the same feelings that remained with me all day from the time I woke up.
Never did I feel excitement or fulfillment. Not even in the big things that occurred.
My heart and soul aches from time to time when I think back to this time. Not only for how sorry I am now because of that period in my life, but for the countless people I pulled along with me. There were hearts I broke, promises I never made good on, and opportunites missed all because of my lack of direction.
What were your biggest insecurities before engaging your inner wild woman?: Until I knew that my feelings to be different, to be wild were okay and should be accepted, I always felt insecure about my place not only in the world but in my own life. Was I a good person? Was I capable of making the best decisions for myself? Would I ever get the feeling that I was proud of myself?
What is your life like now that you are actively engaging your inner wild woman?:Now that I listen to my heart and my soul, now that I know my voice is true to my intuition, life is beyond different. When I wake up there is a light in my eyes. I can walk in to a room and not bow my head, because I know I am the best me there is. My pride comes each moment that I encourage myself and my inner wild woman. Having taken the step on this journey shows that each decision I made in the past was best for me, because it brought me to this portion of my journey.
I make each day a challenge to feel more in tune. To enlighten myself not only more to myself, but to the world around me!! My feelings are mine and I own them. The feelings of others are their own and not mine to own!!
If something does not interest me, I do not volunteer myself in hopes of being accepted. Anything or anyone that does not open my mind to listen and grow or my heart to feel is given a small amount of my time so as to rid the negative feelings and thoughts.
Each day I become a better version of myself. Each day I grow. Each day I become who I am and who I am going to be.
What are your five most favorite aspects of yourself as a wild woman?: Oh, this too is a challenge... I will delve as deep as I can here to establish a top five list when it comes to the aspects of me as a wild woman.
First-I feel the depth of feeling and thought. Leaving no stone unturned and no voice unheard. Letting my intuition lead me and giving each feeling a purpose is something I have grown quite comfortable with. Before I fought this, now I love to let these feelings out or in I should say :-)
Second-The level of acceptance I have begun to feel for my body!!! Each movement (which has become more frequent!!) is amazing to me.
Third-Oh the dancing!!!!! I dance now even without music!!!!! I'm open allowing the feelings come out from within and not hinder them.
Fourth-There is a quiet in my mind that I never felt before all of this. A level of self acceptance (psychologically speaking) that can not be measured is there like I never thought possible.
Fifth-Willingness, being open minded, however you want to see it. There is no judgement (I should say very little, as I am still trying to grasp this fully) from me any longer. For myself or others. I allow my thoughts and desires to flow freely. If I feel judgement coming on, I reach down to see the reason for the judgement in my own mind. Learning the triggers for myself allows me to know myself better.
What was the biggest realization, experience, or transformation that most helped you to start unleashing and embracing your wild feminine nature?: When I first began reading Alexandra's work, researching the things she spoke of, and learning the stories of other women, I felt so lost yet so found all at once. This caused me to see how far away from myself I was. After having spent a year muddling through a recovery from depression and having attempted in a haze produced by prescription drugs, to take the most valuable thing I possess away, my life--the light had finally shown through.
I was made aware that I was not alone in this battle or any other battle I would ever go through. The inner wild woman would always be there with me. There was nothing that needed to be fixed, because nothing was broken. I was not weak, I was simply failing to utilize the abundance of strength in my grasp. The world was at my feet, all I needed to do was to pick it up and move forward!!
What is your favorite part of expressing your wild feminine nature?: The most beautiful part of letting myself shine through as the pure, wild spirit I am is the calm and beauty I feel. Having spent so long held up in a self locked cage, the quiet in my mind and heart is a welcome change. Knowing that I can listen to myself and feel awakened without guilt has been life altering.
When do you feel the wildest?: I feel the wildest during my moon. There is such inner reflection and connectivity to my feelings. This time has only recently become so welcome to me. In the past I was full of dread for this. The one part of me that IS the most wild. The most natural experience, and I fought it. The first cycle I experienced with organic, natural cotton products and the amazing MoonCup was eye opening. Feeling in tune with my own inner workings has caused so much change in various aspects. My level of arousal. I have noticed an improvement in the acne that used to come at that time. My mood is more even, rather than all over the map. There is no longer a dread, but excitement for this time to arrive.
Why did you decide to participate in Wild Women Unveiled?: Even though I know I am at the very beginning of my journey, it is proof that the journey can in fact begin.... If even just one woman is able to read this who feels as though she can never start to be in touch. If even just one woman takes anything from this, it will have been worth it.
What is your message to other women out there who are just beginning their journey as a wild woman, or haven’t started yet but feel the call of the wild woman speaking to their soul?: There will be fear in anything you do. Be it coming full bloom into your wild nature or squelching your soul until you have no way to return from the darkness. Feed off of the fear that will come from the growth, not the demise. See your true beauty for all that it is. Reach down deep and learn your own voice. It will be music to your ears.